Author: Teddy Ray

Dori Hundley Deitrich — 1986-2014

This morning I had the honor and the dismay to preside over Dori Deitrich’s funeral. I met Dori when I became her youth minister at Trinity Hill UMC. Though they weren’t together yet, her husband, Matt, was also in that youth group. We’re not supposed to play favorites in ministry, but theirs were the two pictures that hung on our refrigerator for ten years. Over that time, they went from being special youth to dear friends.

I’m using this space to share my sermon from Dori’s funeral, especially as I know so many people wished they could make it and weren’t able. To Dori’s family and friends––may the God of peace comfort you, bless you, and keep you.

Matt and Dori celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary last Friday and re-watched their wedding video. Matt asked that we use the same passages in today’s ceremony that they used five years ago –– Philippians 2:1-5 and Colossians 3:12-17.

———

Five years ago, as we were preparing for a wedding, Matt and Dori sent me those passages you just heard from Philippians and Colossians. Listen to some of those words again: “As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience … Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts… Sing to God with gratitude in your hearts… Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit…” 

I sent a message back and said, “Well these are interesting. Not the typical wedding passages. It’s not, ‘Love is patient, love is kind.’ It’s not, ‘Husbands, love your wives; wives respect your husbands.’ Why’d you pick these?”

And their response was, “Yeah, we weren’t looking for something about marriage, specifically. We picked these because they’re how we want to live our lives. This is the beginning of doing that together.”

For us who knew Dori, I think we can celebrate just how much those passages fit—that they weren’t just nice things to have read at a wedding. They were a real description of the kind of person God gave us in Dori—clothed in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

I want to share with you three specific memories I’ll always hold dear about Dori.

The first is just her smile…

Over these last few days, I’ve started to realize just how much there is in a smile. If you haven’t yet, you should scroll through Dori’s Facebook page to see all the pictures people have posted. And you’ll just keep noticing her smile. I think that constant smile represented so much about Dori. Can I show you my favorite of the pictures I’ve seen?

Photo courtesy of Nina & West photography: www.ninaandwes.com
Photo courtesy of Nina & Wes photography: http://www.ninaandwes.com

Somehow, that simple picture captures so much—so much about what I keep hearing about Dori from so many of you—about the way she just took in each moment, about how she always wanted to be sure everyone was happy and having a good time and getting along. About that magnetic, joyful personality. I’ve asked several of you already what you’ll remember, and I keep hearing you say you’ll remember her smile. I don’t think that’s just about the smile. I think you’ve said that because you saw a bit of her heart in it. You saw some of the character of God in it—a genuine compassion and joy.

Now, I’ve been told we’re not supposed to make instant saints out of people at their funerals. We don’t need to paint overly rosy pictures of people. And Claire, Dori’s mom, was reminding me yesterday that it took some time and growth. There was a time Dori was really questioning whether she was cut out to be a “pastor’s wife.” But then Claire talked about how Dori just flourished—how she kept growing into this wonderful woman of God. She attributed a lot of that to Matt. And she noted that a lot of it was by the grace of God––the way you could see that God’s grace transformed Dori over time.

The second memory I’ll always keep about Dori is about her with kids. Dori and Matt were our go-to babysitters for years. I still remember the first times they baby-sat when there were three, and then when there were four. Matt came in wide-eyed, and Dori would come in and say, “We can do this!” I’ll remember our words on our adoption recommendation for them: “There is no other couple we have wanted to see become parents as much as these two.” And I’ll remember the sudden, shocking messages Dori sent us: “We’re on our way to Alabama to get our new baby boy.” We couldn’t believe how quickly it all happened. Later, Dori would call it a miracle—an act of God to allow them to get Carter before her cancer was discovered.

And that’s the third memory I know I’ll keep—is about how Dori handled her sickness…

That passage about letting the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, and about having gratitude in your hearts, seems so fitting. Matt was remarking the other day about how her concern, even in sickness, was never about herself. There was plenty of opportunity for “why me, why now,” and it never came. Even when some of the rest of us weren’t ready to concede that we could lose her, she was saying, “Why are we so afraid of dying? Don’t we believe we’re with Jesus when we die?” Even when things were looking progressively worse, she was still posting Scriptures like, “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” All the way to the end, the peace of Christ seemed to rule in her heart. Even as her body got weaker, it just seemed like her spirit got stronger.

As I’ve heard several of you talk about Dori for the last few days, I’ve realized that we all saw different sides, we all got different glimpses. But we all seemed to know the same Dori. I’m thankful for that.

And so we come here and we give thanks to God. We thank God that in each person we catch a glimpse of the image of God—and we’ve seen at least a glimpse of God’s joy and delight through Dori. We thank God that the gospel isn’t just about what happens after we die. It’s about what happens while we live, too. It’s about how, by the grace of God, he turns us into compassionate, humble, gentle people. People of peace. People who persevere in difficult times.

We thank God, too, that the gospel is about what happens after we die. For those who receive Christ, for those who believe in his name, he gives us the right to become children of God. We hate death, but it doesn’t have the final word. We thank God because Jesus says, “Don’t be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me… Because I live, you will live too… Don’t be troubled or afraid.” Claire told me last night that Dori had said to her, “I’m not going to live afraid.” And she didn’t. She didn’t need to. We have a God who tells us not to be troubled or afraid, and she trusted him.

This is why, even though we come and mourn today, we can go from here in hope, too. Because we come knowing that we entrust Dori into the hands of God, who can be trusted.

Priorities for organizing a weekly schedule [Pastoral Letters]

In July, I’ll be returning from a sabbatical year to be the lead pastor of the Offerings Community at First UMC in Lexington. I’m sharing some pastoral letters with them in advance of that return. Though some notes here are specific to that congregation, the letters are a broad attempt to share a pastoral theology.
Credit for original photo to www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/
Credit for original photo to http://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/


In two years’ time, the lead pastor position in Offerings has moved from 1/4-time to 3/4-time. I’m thrilled about this and what it can mean for our community.

I’ve thought and prayed a lot about how we need to use this position most faithfully. What does our community need most from the lead pastor? And what are the best contributions I can make?

How we spend our time says a lot about our values, so I’m sharing this as a way of showing you my values. I also think it’s important for you to know what I’m doing with the time you’ve given me.

Though no single week will look exactly like this, here’s a general sketch of how I plan to spend my time:

1 – Preaching and Writing
In my first letter, I said the gospel is the primary thing that motivates everything I do in ministry. I think preaching and writing are our best broad opportunities to proclaim the gospel.

Several people have told me they think one of the greatest strengths of Offerings is faithful preaching. We need to continue that. I want to invest the time to do it well.

I love that we have a preaching team. It gives us a chance to hear a number of voices and perspectives. So my “preaching and writing” time will also include working with our other preachers––helping each other refine and improve our preaching.

I’ve also discovered what a great pastoral opportunity writing is. It affords a reach beyond what Sunday morning allows. It can focus on issues that wouldn’t be appropriate preaching topics, allows people to read in their own time, and can be passed on to other people.

In all, I plan to spend about 15 hours per week on preaching and writing. My best preaching requires about 15 hours of preparation—roughly what I’ve seen other preachers recommend. When I prepare less, it’s noticeable. For the weeks I’m not preaching, I’ll devote the extra time to writing and to working with our other preachers.

2 – Pastoral Visitation
Pastoral visitation is my best opportunity for deep connections. In that first letter, I also told you that I believe in you. Visiting with people is one of my best chances to invest in all of you.

I’m planning to meet individually with all of our leaders several times per year in addition to leadership team meetings. I also hope to visit each of you—as an individual or a family—once per year, preferably in your home. This category also includes visiting new guests, pastoral counseling, door-to-door visits in our neighborhood, and special need visits (people in the hospital, new babies, etc.)

Investments in these relationships are the best extension of myself—the best way to encourage and equip our leaders, and the best ways to make sure people are receiving good pastoral care and to encourage them to take next steps in discipleship. In all, I hope to spend about ten hours per week in various forms of visitation with people and leadership teams.

3 – Administration 
Again, in that first letter, I said I believed in the church—and specifically in First UMC. Because of that, I’ll make a priority for First UMC administrative, staff, and pastoral meetings. It’s important for Offerings to be well-represented in those meetings and well-connected to the larger church. And it’s important for us to make a good contribution to the big church’s direction.

We also have plenty of administrative needs for Offerings. I’ve loved being able to count on a weekly email this past year and plan to continue those, along with any other things we need to do to ensure good communication. Faithfulness in small things—quick responses to calls and emails and taking care of any paperwork—help keep everything moving smoothly. I want to take care of those well.

As we explore moving into a new location, the details associated with that will take a lot of extra attention to administrative details. In all, I expect our administrative needs to require about ten hours on most weeks, and probably more than that at first.

4 – Connecting with area leaders (especially other church and nonprofit leaders), reading and research  
I plan to keep regular calendar space for meeting with area leaders. That’s an important investment in our community’s relationships to other churches and agencies. I also plan to set aside regular time for reading and research (you can always see what I’m reading on the right sidebar of my blog).

These are the extremely important but not at all urgent. No one will require them of me or immediately notice whether they’re happening or not. It’s a lot like exercise. If I skimp on it for a few weeks or months, people probably won’t notice a difference. But the results in a few years’ time will be drastically different.

For my effectiveness as a preacher, leader, and pastor, there will be major dividends or major holes in the years to come based on whether I’m diligent about these things. I think it’s crucial that I carve out and protect regular time for them.

I hope to spend about six hours per week on this networking and continuing education. I also know, though, that these will be the first things to go when administrative and pastoral demands require more time. Because of that, I’ll be diligent about carving out and protecting regular time for these on my calendar and only back off them when another need is exceptionally important and urgent.

Modeling with my schedule
We’ve talked a lot in Offerings about our pastors’ lives reflecting our values. I think it’s important for me to do that with my schedule. Two specific ways that I’m trying to model important values with my schedule:

1 – I try to limit myself to 45 hours each week except for in rare emergencies—emergency to be read as the kind of thing that happens once or twice a year, not every other week. At my family’s current stage, I don’t think I can stay healthy (physically, spiritually, and emotionally) and take care of my family if I exceed that time.

There are always more things to be done. I would love to devote 30 hours per week to each item listed above. I want to do my best to name the most important things and always take care of them, but some things will inevitably go un-done. I’ll ask for your grace and help in those things.

I’ve seen a lot of people—pastors and other professionals—disregard health and family because there’s always more to do at work. I don’t want you to be one of those people, and I want to model a healthier way with my schedule.

2 – I don’t count my Sunday morning time or my time in a catechesis group, or things like personal devotional time, as “work time.” Those are things I expect all of us to do outside our jobs. I count them as something I do because I’m a Christian and part of the community, not because I’m on payroll.

I hope this helps. I think it’s important for you to know what I’m doing with the time you give me. And thank you for giving me the time to do these things!

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How the Church Grows (pt. II) [Pastoral Letters]

In July, I’ll be returning from a sabbatical year to be the lead pastor of the Offerings Community at First UMC in Lexington, KY. I’m sharing some pastoral letters with them in advance of that return. Though some notes here are specific to that congregation, the letters are a broad attempt to share a pastoral theology.

how the church grows

Last week, I shared part I of “How the church grows” (see it here). Here’s the second part…

Service

Our service is an essential part of the church’s growth. I mentioned staff positions last week, but no matter how much money we have, we never plan to “hire” most of the work we have to do as a church. We’re a body, and we all have a part to play in this.

We grow when you serve within the church—when you change diapers in the nursery or greet people at the doors or show up with meals after someone has been sick. On any given Sunday morning, the number of people we rely on to serve is amazing. This past Sunday, nearly one-third of the people in attendance were formally listed as serving somewhere. And a lot of the rest of you were serving in some unofficial capacity.

This isn’t just about keeping the machine running. This is about caring for people well, doing the small things that create an environment for relationships to grow, for people to worship without distraction, for people to hear a word from God.

We grow when you serve outside the church, too—when you show up at Room in the Inn to share a meal and fellowship, when you fly to Haiti to help in an orphanage, when you go across the street to mow an elderly neighbor’s lawn.

Maybe it’s less obvious how those things affect our growth, but I think they’re crucial to it. These are the things that remind us we’re a sent people.

I believe God calls out to the world, calling people to come into the church. But God also calls into the church, calling us to go out to the world.

The story of a lot of declining American churches is about churches that got self-absorbed and forgot their calling to go out into the world. If we ever forget that calling, we’re bound to shrink away. And no one else will much notice or care.

So I urge all of us to serve. Specifically, if we can, to find two ways to serve—something in the church, and something out in the world. How can you take some of the time and talents and energy and passion God has given you, and put it to use within our community? And where can you do the same out in the world?

Witness

For a lot of us, this one is the hardest. I would guess it’s the one least practiced. But we must do it! The church grows when we share the good news—when we’re bold and passionate enough to point to Christ and tell people that he’s King, and that he’s changing our lives.

Our lives are a witness themselves. Our lives reveal God’s work in us when faith sustains us through hard times, or when faith leads us to make hard decisions, or when the love of Christ shows through us.

Our witness at least includes having lives that reveal Christ as our Lord. But I think it needs to mean more, too. It needs to mean a clear invitation.

Maybe that’s an invitation into the church community—I hope someone who takes you up on that invitation will encounter God in our midst.

Maybe that’s an invitation to believe the gospel. I met someone recently who shares a simple version of the gospel and invites people to believe several times a day. And usually at least one person responds each day. Do all of those people remain in the faith? I don’t know. But none of them would if they were never invited in the first place.

As we consider moving to a new location, we have to keep this in mind. “If you build it, they will come” made for a great movie, but in real life it’s usually untrue. A new worship space won’t automatically bring new people. The vast majority of people who come will come because we invited them.

From our time in Spain, I learned a couple of things about invitation:

I learned that more people are interested than I thought. People I had become friends with were very open to an invitation into the church. Some people I was worried about hassling came back later and told me how much they appreciated the invitation.

I also learned to keep inviting. No one responded to the first invitation. No one. It was the second or third or fourth invitation that they responded to.

Let me urge us all to be considering our witness. Who are you inviting into the life of faith? Who are you inviting into the church? Can you make a list of 5-30 people you can pray for and commit to giving some sort of invitation (better, several invitations) in the next few months?

Regular, Scheduled, Disciplined… and Spontaneous

If you haven’t recognized them yet, these are the vows we all take when we join a United Methodist congregation—to support the church with our prayers, presence, gifts, service, and witness. If each of us who took those vows would be diligent about them, I think we would experience an incredible revival.

I’ve learned in my own life that good intentions don’t usually get me far. When I resolve to start spontaneously doing things that I don’t normally do, it doesn’t last long. The things I do most regularly are the things I also do spontaneously—eat, check Facebook, imagine creating awkward social situations…

For things I’m not already doing naturally, I need them to be regular, scheduled, and disciplined. If I do them like that long enough, over time I find them happening spontaneously, too.

For any of these that you don’t already find yourself doing on a consistent basis, how can you find a regular, scheduled, disciplined way to do them?

Can you name a certain time to pray each day? When you do, please pray for our church and our community.

Can you commit to making worship attendance a priority and ask about joining a catechesis group?

Can you take a look at your giving and commit to something regular?

Can you identify one place in the church and one in the world where you will serve on a scheduled, consistent basis?

Can you make a list of people whom you’ll commit to telling about your faith or inviting to worship?

When we do these things regularly, I think we’ll also start finding ourselves doing them more spontaneously.

All by the grace of God

And please remember my first note on prayer. None of this happens by our own strength. It happens by the grace of God and the work of the Holy Spirit. It happens in ways that will shock and amaze us. Our role is secondary, but that doesn’t make it unimportant. God invites us to be co-workers in his service. What an invitation!